disliking things

song of the moment-- whatever piano piece is playing in 'elephant' at the moment.
mood-- bleah. don't know. a bad one.

jesus, i really dislike facebook. i was really happy when i quit for a while, but for some reason i decided to go back.
you know, it's been less than a week and i've already had anxiety fits about this shit? some might call it being histrionic. i call it being me. i'd like something solid to depend on at this point. anything i can stick with and not leave behind because it troubes me. a person, a hobby, i don't know what...
i've been trying to make more friends, but they go out of their way to burn me for some unknown reason. it gives me an inferiority complex that i really dislike.

i used to have a person to depend on, but they kind of left. and i know it wasn't their fault, because things happen, and i have to get used to that.
are friends supposed to be hard? is it supposed to be difficult to make friends, and then when you have them, is it difficult to keep them, or maintain any affection for them, when these are just people who are outright high-lighting your flaws and then taking them away, just to shove them in your face when they want something? it worries me.
is it this hard for everyone? to keep up with things and not feel let down by circumstances, natural or otherwise?

at least it's snowing, which it hasn't done in these parts of virginia in a while. i guess that's nice. i went sledding, and took pictures, which my computer found corrupt and froze for.
i know it's a small thing, but it almost ruins the snow, which is melting anyway. apathy? i really hope not. sadness would be even worse, though.

but,
i know i sound like a whiny little cunt, but at this point i don't mind. being clich´isn't the worst thing i have to worry about at this point.
three more years?

-bb

first post darlinks

song of the moment: down in flames (superbeing)
mood-- pretty upset actually

you know, getting whacked in the head with a newspaper a few times doesn't sound too bad, even when it hurts. but after a while it seems kind of like domestic abuse. is it?
hum. it makes one seem like a pushover, getting hit by their mom, especially when they're such a damn people-pleaser.
what parent has cause to hit their kid (at all), especially if said kid doesn't do fuck anything, has no chance of a significant other, hasn't had a detention since once in the fifth grade when they forgot some homework, and has gotten straight 'a's through middle and high school.

jesus motherfucking christ, i even go to religious school.
what the fuck gives?
one whack with a newspaper too many fucking times.

that kid, btw? yours damn truly.
and now the internet radio's buffering just like everything else i'm trying to download to tune out the rest of my life.

that sounded dreadfully cliche-angsty-teenager.

what i mean is that it's a bit easier to wallow in distracting stupidity than it is to wallow in silence.
and at the moment i am one for the damn wallowing.

next quiet-rage-filled post coming soon.
berated billy bombe, signing off.

PS: stfu please.